dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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