It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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