ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
