Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
areolas are like halos for boobs.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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