I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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