I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize