So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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