I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
