I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
