Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
