Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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