Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
