He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
