I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
