Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize