He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
