I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
