I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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