if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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