I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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