Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
