i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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