Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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