Pants 0. Shit 1.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
