We named our party play list daddy issues
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They took my balls.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
