Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize