Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
