ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
