An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just puked most of my soul out..
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