Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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