sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
