call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
