Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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