I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
