we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
