my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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