I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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