It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
