well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
