oh god the rape fog is back!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
