I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
