WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
