I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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