we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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