so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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