I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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