Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He passed out mid-signature
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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