Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
