just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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