Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
