so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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