you mean i was at the winter classic?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
