I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
