I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
