Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
