I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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