you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
