I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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