I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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