i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
