Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize