i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
