Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
