Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
