So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize