She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
