When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
