Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
