When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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