Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
