he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
