sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
