This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
