god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
