I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
