u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
