Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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