you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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