If i come over, it means nothing
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
