She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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