My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
