Only a mothe r could love this liver
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
