how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
