she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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