He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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