great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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