Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
