Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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