You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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