I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
