I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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