I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i think im in europe. pls send help
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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