question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
