I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
