Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
