Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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