Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
