Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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